Not a Sage on the Stage… A Guide on the Side
- Arlene Gaylord
- Apr 22
- 2 min read
For decades, I’ve mentored people through the highest-stakes decisions of their lives and careers. Now, I coach them.
One of the hardest moments as a coach is this: Someone sits across from me, in tears, begging me "Just tell me what to do."
Those words still break my heart- each and every time that they are uttered. I’ve been there more times than I can count.
🚫 I wasn’t that kind of mentor.
🚫 I’m not that kind of coach.
🚫 I am not that kind of parent.
My goal has never been to hand over the answers. It’s been to help them “noodle through” the questions. To sit beside them. To listen and reflect. Not direct.
As my own mentor, George was quite fond of reminding me-
Be a guide on the side, not a sage on the stage.”
It stuck with me. Real transformation doesn’t come from being told what to do.
It comes from being heard👂🏻, being seen 👁️, and being asked the right question❓at the right time 🕛.
Active listening didn’t come naturally. I had to practice until it became a part of my DNA 🧬. As an action-biased, fast-moving executive, my instinct has always been to solve, fix, decide.
I realized that silence, patience, and presence were the real superpowers.
Coaching helped me rewire my approach. I learned to slow down, tune in, and truly hear what wasn’t being said. You read that right. What is NOT said that you get them to finally say out loud by asking just the right questions-THOSE- are the moments I live for as a Coach.
Here are three simple tips I practiced every day until they became a habit:
👂 Listen to understand, not to reply. Don’t plan your answe. Stay in the moment. How do you know you are not doing it right? If you are silently and in your head formulating what you are going to respond, you are doing it wrong. Silence your mind. Listen!
⏸️ Pause before responding. That beat of silence is often where the magic happens.
📝 Reflect. Say back what you heard to confirm- and connect. If you didn't fully understand, ask questions. It is amazing what I got back when I pulled on a thread asking - hey I heard you say X - did you mean X? The ah ha❗️moments that followed? Magic.
These habits changed the way I interact with others for the better.
As Adam Grant reminds us:
“Reflecting helps people crystallize lessons from their own past resilience-and gain confidence in their ability to overcome current adversity.” 💡
The best way to help- is to actually listen. 👂✨
I’m not here to tell you what to do.
I’m here to partner with you as you figure it out.
Side by side. Thought by thought. 💭🤝
That...is where the MAGIC happens.
