📣 Toughest and Best Feedback I Ever Got 💥

In my first executive assignment, I got bright red on one part of my climate survey!🚨

Turns out, when I had to shift from my usual 99% bubbly, cheerful self into a more tactical mode, I did it so smoothly that it was jarring. I didn’t yell. I didn’t change tone. I just got quieter, calmer...and way more directive 😶‍🌫️

Winds up that shift? Terrifying 😳And no one said a word until someone courageously wrote it in the narrative portion of that survey in 2013 (and yes, I can still remember it verbatim!)📝:

"Arlene is so happy go-lucky and cheerful most of the time that when she gets quiet and more directive when we have to move quickly she is TERRIFYING. She does not yell or even raise her voice but she does it so quickly and it is such a dramatic change that it is a little jarring."

That feedback forever changed me as a leader. 🙌

From that day on, I started telling people:“Hey, I’m going into operational mode. I’m going to be way more direct and less chatty. When we’re done, I’ll debrief it all, but I didn’t want you to be caught off guard.” 🧭 - some quick words to provide context for the change that comes so naturally to me.

It became a part of my leadership language. My husband, also retired FBI, calls it “Work Arlene” (or “Work Rick” when it's him- he does the same thing!) 👩‍💼👨‍💼

The gift 🎁 of that one piece of feedback made me more self-aware, more empathetic, and ultimately, more effective (and way less scary).

💬 Hat tip to Adam Grant for this truth:

“Many people fail to benefit from constructive feedback because they overreact and undercorrect '” 💯

That 2013 feedback didn’t just help me do better. It helped me lead better 🧠 Real leadership means adjusting how we act because of the way that it affects those you are leading.

I take in tough feedback the way a miner pans for gold—slowly, intentionally, and often more than once. I’ll read it, walk away, then come back and read it again. Sometimes it takes a few rounds before I strike clarity, but I’ve learned that buried in even the hardest words is often the exact insight I need to grow. That gold ⚱️? It’s what sharpens my edge and deepens my leadership.

💡 Three Tips to Consider When Receiving Feedback:

🔁 Read, Reflect, Repeat – Don’t rush. Sit with the feedback, revisit it, and let it settle before reacting.

👀 Look for the Gold – Even hard truths often hold a nugget of wisdom that can make you better.

🛠️ Use It to Sharpen Your Edge – Let the feedback shape you, not shame you.

Growth lives on the other side of discomfort.

💡 What’s a bit of tough feedback you’ve received- the kind that stayed with you?

#Feedback #EmotionalIntelligence #ExecutivePresence